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Ella Treinen
poetry
I HAVE MY IDENTITY CRISES IN PRIVATE
spring has always been my favorite
because i get to try on a
new self
while the seeds shape shift
into flowers beside me
and i feel
like the clothes in shopping bags
in my passenger seat—
not quite owned yet.
i’ll shed my skin like a cicada
and fly blindly into brand new realities
because anything beats
being uncomfortable
with myself
in this one.
i cut my hair
with safety scissors
when my reflection starts to snarl at me
because i called her boring.
maybe i’d like myself better if
i were only around
for a season at a time,
beautiful coming and going,
pleasantly pretty in the palm of a hand.
do i love the smell of rain
because i want it to cleanse me?
or to wash me away
all together?
MERRY-GO-ROUND
sometimes i move so fast that i’m still,
the song has played so many times
that the melodies are deafening silence,
the colorful confounds are more ordinary
than emptiness
and i spin so fast that i could be floating
this could be real or it could be nothing
as much as i’d enjoy to be every thing to every person,
i am no more than blurry
moments — blips in time
it’s all the same, and what a shame
but one more merry go around
isn’t going to hurt anyone
DIRTY LAUNDRY
​
i can be unkind.
sometimes i spit my gum out outside,
i leave dirty dishes in the
communal sink out of spite
and sometimes i ask you
how your day was so
you’ll ask about mine
​
i’ve said an empty i love you
or a few
because i felt like
i was supposed to
i have some “i’m sorrys”
long overdue
​
and i’d probably lie about all of these things if you asked me,
not because i’m dishonest
but because the green light
to be candidly flawed isn’t given freely
​
if i promise to let you keep your dirty laundry in the
basket a little while after it’s full,
could you do the same for me?
