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Ella Treinen
poetry
I HAVE MY IDENTITY CRISES IN PRIVATE
spring has always been my favorite
because i get to try on a
new self
while the seeds shape shift
into flowers beside me
and i feel
like the clothes in shopping bags
in my passenger seat—
not quite owned yet.
i’ll shed my skin like a cicada
and fly blindly into brand new realities
because anything beats
being uncomfortable
with myself
in this one.
i cut my hair
with safety scissors
when my reflection starts to snarl at me
because i called her boring.
maybe i’d like myself better if
i were only around
for a season at a time,
beautiful coming and going,
pleasantly pretty in the palm of a hand.
do i love the smell of rain
because i want it to cleanse me?
or to wash me away
all together?
MERRY-GO-ROUND
sometimes i move so fast that i’m still,
the song has played so many times
that the melodies are deafening silence,
the colorful confounds are more ordinary
than emptiness
and i spin so fast that i could be floating
this could be real or it could be nothing
as much as i’d enjoy to be every thing to every person,
i am no more than blurry
moments — blips in time
it’s all the same, and what a shame
but one more merry go around
isn’t going to hurt anyone
DIRTY LAUNDRY
i can be unkind.
sometimes i spit my gum out outside,
i leave dirty dishes in the
communal sink out of spite
and sometimes i ask you
how your day was so
you’ll ask about mine
i’ve said an empty i love you
or a few
because i felt like
i was supposed to
i have some “i’m sorrys”
long overdue
and i’d probably lie about all of these things if you asked me,
not because i’m dishonest
but because the green light
to be candidly flawed isn’t given freely
if i promise to let you keep your dirty laundry in the
basket a little while after it’s full,
could you do the same for me?
